(Date Posted:09/14/2012 8:18 PM)
MLovinLife wrote: "I know this is true too but.....it is so...so hard for me to fully
grasp. I repeat to myself that I never, not once, meant anything to the
xnh but I'm not sure it's truly sunk into the deepest parts of my
soul. That and, that he obviously never loved me."
Yes, I still struggle with this, too. The ex narc husband was so convincing at times that he really cared. Unlike many others here, he did not criticize, or call names, or do the silent treatment or anything like that. Oh, he lied and cheated and ignored me and used me and didn't care about me, that's for sure. But it was more covert with him.
Definitely not a speck of remorse though. When we tried to get back together, he was angry that I didn't get over his cheating immediately, and he would threaten to leave me if I didn't forgive him faster. I know that he felt absolutely no remorse for his cheating, to him, it was something he was entitled to do, it was fun and exciting.
He feels no remorse for the financial devastation, because he blames me for that. He feels no remorse for basically abandoning his family to "pursue his dreams" because he blames me for abandoning HIM. He feels no remorse when he doesn't pay child support, because he thinks I should take care of everything and he shouldn't have to pay anything at all.
I often think of something my brother said when he found out I was reconciling with the narc:
"Em, not only does he not love you, or even like you, he HATES you." My brother was right.
It is so difficult to understand their complete lack of love, of empathy, of remorse. They are like reptiles in that regard, just a cold, unfeeling brain.
Because most of them are so good at FAKING love and emotion, we are left completely stunned, confused and unable to grasp what happened.
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