RE:NPD and suicide..
(Date Posted:06/26/2012 10:26 PM)
I am so sorry that you are feeling so low right now but I am glad that you posted here and that you are NC.
I do believe you when you say that you would not harm yourself and you are right, you are worth so much more than that. I do think however since the thought has entered your mind that it would be a good idea to contact a therapist. Find somebody who is familiar with NPD,not all therapists are.
You have gone through a lot and there is no shame in asking for help. Asking for help is actually a sign of strength. I saw a therapist for about six months after the N and it helped a lot.
Like many other victims of narcissistic abuse you have been left empty, depleted and depressed. Unfortunately this is not uncommon after being involved with an N for any length of time.
It is also common for victims to blame themselves and feel shame for having put up with and loved somebody who was disordered.
I cannot say whether an N would prefer the suicide of their ex but I can say that they cannot relate to our pain and they do not see us as people with needs and feelings. They only see us as objects. Useful objects or useless objects but never people with feelings, wants and desires.
Narcissists are empty inside. They cannot relate to others on an emotional level, they cannot emphasize and they cannot love. The only thing that makes them tick is narcissistic supply (attention). It does not matter whether the supply is good or bad just so it keeps them in the spot light and the center of attention.
The N must always feel that they are "good and right" and those who disagree or challenge them are bad or pathetic. They despise weakness in others because they themselves are weak.
I think they enjoy seeing us suffer however because it makes them feel superior and powerful.
Please know that you are not alone in this and that you will heal. It is going to take some time. Continue with no contact because this will speed up the healing process.
Narcissists do not think like normal people think because they are disordered. There is nothing you could have done differently. No amount of love or support would have changed him or healed him. None of this was your fault. It ALWAYS ends badly with a narcissist.
Frankly Maui his thoughts are irrelevant. It does not matter what he thinks or feels. He is damaged and can't be fixed. The only thing that matters is what you think and how you feel.
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