I'm trying to come to terms with the very real possibility that my daughter (27 years) may have NPD. She's not been diagnosed (not surprisingly, since she's refused all requests to attend therapy). Her father (my ex husband) was an alcoholic and she elected to live with him and take care of him for years, until his demise. She made excuses for him, saying that he was the only person in her life who really loved her. Then he passed away (Cirrhosis and colon cancer). She has been struggling with relationships since then. She's been married 3 times, has had scores of boyfriends, and seems very heartless with them when they eventually break up. She went on vacation with to L.A. and left him there, never to talk to him again. She did it again with another boyfriend while on vacation in London, leaving both of these young men to make their own way home.
She is very self-conscious, is very critical of her looks, and is planning on having breast augmentation surgery. She calls and cries about how terrible people in her life (boyfriend, husband, co-workers, teachers) treat her and I ask her questions to try to tease out the whole story in each case. She gets extremely defensive when I do this, and often flies into a rage, saying that I don't understand her, that I'm one of 'them' (she's often only sees things, situations and people as being either black or white).
She's very bright (studying nursing at MHB in Temple, Texas), gets excellent grades in school. And I've always told her how very proud I am of her and her accomplishments, but she doesn't seem to acknowledge that I've said that.
Recently, she invited me to visit her for a week, to keep her company while she studies (her husband of only 3 weeks was deployed to Iraq). Things went well for about 3 days, she seemed happy to have me there, confided in me, we hung out at Barnes and Noble while she and her study partners prepped for an exam. Then, the next day she came home from classes extremely agitated. She said her teacher and Dean of Students wanted to meet with her. She was afraid she'd be asked to leave the (nursing program). This seemed outrageous, since she gets straight A's. When I asked her why they'd want to meet, she said she thought it might have to do with her behavior, but she wouldn't say why exactly. I kept asking questions and she became very very upset. Yelling at me that I am not being supportive, that I'm not the mother she wanted me to be, that she no longer wants me in her life. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. I calmly asked her to try to relax, to just take a breath and maintain some composure. But that only seemed to enrage her more. She said that I had borderline personality disorder, then she said I had narcissistic personality disorder. I told her that I'm wasnt sure what the symptoms were for each, but that I would do research to learn more. In the meantime, we should just take a break and try to relax and calmly talk about what was upsetting her so much. She stormed into the bedroom, gathered up my clothes and threw them out the front door of her apartment. Then she said she would call the police if I didn't leave.
It was devastating to have her throw me out like that.
Once I returned home, I started to research both of these disorders and am sad to say that I think she was projecting. I went to a therapist to talk about these, but it appears that she may actually have these.
At this point in time, she has cut off all communication, changed her phone number and asked my parents (with whom she keeps in contact) to not talk about her or give me any information about how she is doing.
My question is .....how do I cope with this?