Tom's hitting - "hey guys, notice how much better I am this year? Last year me and the opposing pitcher were best friends. Now, I'm much more dependable."
Birds living in lights - "You know, I really enjoyed pooping on that pakistani kid last week. Let's see..who can I get next? Oh bingo. Anyone who wears a bathing suit to a softball game needs to get a hot steamy doodie. After I let this turd fly maybe I